Super Skinny Me, The Race to Size 00.
Well, I’ve just finished watching this documentary, and it really does bring home the torture we put ourselves through to achieve what we think is the perfect figure. It also brought home a few truths to myself, that I actually show some of the symptoms of someone with an eating disorder. Okay, so I’m not anorexic, and I’m not bulimic, but I binge, I play with my food, I think about food constantly and how evil it is, and I actually don’t enjoy eating. Part of me wonders if I eat ice cream and chocolate not because it tastes nice (because it doesn’t really taste of anything apart from sweet), but to punish myself as if I am not worthy of ever being a size 14, size 12 or a size 10… let alone anything so far fetched as a size 0. As I sat watching this documentary about 2 women living on nothing but watercress soup, juices and raw foods for 5 weeks there I was tucking into a tub of Ben and Jerrys! What the hell is wrong with me!?
So I guess I need to make a decision. I know that if I eat everything I choose to without dieting in some form, I will just balloon even bigger and I definately don’t want that so it looks as though the only options left are either cutting out crap altogether and never ever letting it pass my lips… or dieting for the rest of my life. Fun choices really! You see I know that the world would be a really boring place if everyone was the same, but why can some people eat what seems like the whole contents of their fridge and never gain weight, not a single pound? Yet all I need to do is look in the window of a bakery, and there we go another 2 inches has magically fixed itself to my waist. Not that I have a waist!
I don’t mean to be down, and I definately don’t want to bring any of you down but it really does bring home the life long battles that people like I have with our weight. Ever since I was 6 years old I have been big… and ever since I was 13 and becoming more curious about boys I have been on a diet, many diets. Do I really want the rest of my life panned out by choices like eating a piece of toast?
On a plus side, I have been rather motivated by the London Marathon this year… It would be something very good to do, a big achievement and although in my current form I couldn’t run down the road it is something I am seriously considering training for in a few years.
Oh and to top everything off, I feel really, really sick!