Do you ever get days….

If you’re anything like me, you’ll get days where you really hate yourself. At least if that’s normal you will. I’m not quite sure if I’m supposed to feel like this but I am feeling like it more regularly. I feel very huge, am sitting at 13 stone 7 but for some reason I feel like i’m much bigger. My tummy is all puffed up, especially at the top and i’m noticing my clothes are feeling tighter.

This is the cycle with me. I lose half a stone, feel fantastic then eat crap, gain it again and feel bigger than I did before. This weekend it’s been chocolate digestives and home made chocolate muffins (made by a very good friend who is a chef!). I know that it’s just one day and I’ll sort everything out but at the moment it feels like I’m such a failure, and not just with food. My sister told me something one day that really stuck with me, and that’s people who associate with fat people look unsuccessful. I’m sure she didn’t mean it the way it came out maybe, but it’s really stuck with me since. I certainly don’t feel very successful with anything that I do right now.

An online friend of mine is starting a weight training fitness regime, so I thought I would challenge him to a little competition to see who can look the best after so many weeks or something like it. Im not sure if it will spur me on or not but something needs to! Every thin person I know thinks it is so easy to just lose weight at a drop of a hat, but it’s never that easy… and it’s certainly not as easy as just not putting the bad stuff in your mouth. Anyone who has dieted will understand this.